It isn't that
I don't love you.
And there are so many
Amazing things about
This relationship, but...
How can I explain this?
Okay, let me start with...
Last week,
I was on Facebook,
And I saw
A video of a mother fox
With five babies, maybe more,
Jumping, playing,
Nuzzling into her.
The comments said,
How cute, how sweet,
Had it on repeat,
This is gorgeous,
Oh I love it.
It made me
Want to vomit.
Tell me I'm not ladylike,
But I felt disgust.
Imagine all your energy
Taken up by nurturing.
It's okay for some,
But maybe that's just not for me.
You say you want a family,
But I feel like I can't breathe
Imagining that reality.
I want to focus on my legacy.
I don't want to be
Crushed by responsibility,
Siphoned of creative energy.
I want to be free.
Ugh, of course you’re angry.
Try to convince me
That I’m acting selfishly.
I know how this looks
In the eyes of society.
Some would say I'm less of a woman
To not want to give all of me
To a happy little family.
All these norms and propriety
Suffocate the fire in me.
Don't you see?
I feel like you're domesticating me.
I just want to be wild and free.
Why are you taking this so personally?
I don't know if I'm
Explaining this properly.
What I really mean is...
I feel stiffed.
I don't want anyone
Feeling entitled
To my attention
And cooperation.
I need my participation
To be a matter
Of consent,
Moment by moment.
Each day, I want to choose
My wheres and whys and whos.
Don't wanna sacrifice
My potential playing house.
Don't wanna leave
All my dreams up in the clouds,
Die full of doubts.
And it's not like
I'm against procreation,
But it's all this organization
Causes me agitation.
If you and I were so
Obsessed with each other that
We couldn't help but spawn,
It wouldn't feel wrong.
But we aren't.
Let's be honest.
This wasn't what we promised.
Do you understand?
This wasn't what we planned.
I just want to control my life.
Don't want to be anybody's little wife.
...I didn't mean to make you cry.
You can't tell me it's good for you:
This imprisoned servitude
Where we both feel subdued.
Romantic relationships,
So full of tenaciousness
But not enough graciousness.
It's all
Societal pressures.
If I like you,
And you like me,
Better get ready for
Monogamy.
Better learn to
Own each other.
Better learn what
Not to do.
Better learn to
Sacrifice.
Better learn to
Prove.
Prove prove prove
Your love,
Prove prove
Your respect.
Without forceful
Rule-enforcing,
We'd be lost, right?
But then, we fight
Over trivial things,
Both thinking we're right,
Can't see the light.
We both feel frustration
At this situation,
Emotional castration.
Our souls in resignation.
But what's our destination?
Where are we going?
What do we really want to do?
It doesn't work when
You control me
And I smother you.
Let's take time to
Think this through.
Why must I only
Have feelings for you?
Why must we
Live together?
Why must we
Rely primarily on each other?
Is that useful?
Or are we just giving into fear?
Seeking comfort together,
Keeping potential concealed.
No more.
Not me.
Don't want domesticity.
Don't want you
Telling me
Who to be.
Leaving your dishes
Unwashed, baby please.
You take and take
My energy.
These are
Things I don't need.
And then, there's me,
Nagging you
Over and over
Ceaselessly,
Not giving you
Room to breathe
Because I feel
I can't be free.
I try to change you
To make it safer for me.
But it's all control, you see.
It isn't love but conformity,
Cultivating domesticity
For the sake of synchronicity.
How would it be
If I didn't own you
And you didn't own me?
If we
Respected each other's
Individuality
And creativity?
Be connected
But still be free.
Sure, it sounds idealistic
To me.
But how does anything
Come to be real
Except to try?
I don't know how.
I only know why.
And that's enough for me.
Baby, please, hear me.
I feel like I can't breathe
In what we've built together.
Can't we build something else?
Can't we keep the parts we love
And discard all the rest?
I love our philosophical
Conversations.
And I love our physical
Sparks and sensations.
I love our shared
Adventure destinations.
I love how we grow
Together when we're patient.
What if there's
The right amount of distance
Between us, we've just
Been too afraid to fix this?
Too afraid to walk away.
Too afraid to change the game.
Too afraid to share each other.
Too afraid to air out shame.
Maybe my happily ever after
Is primarily with my art.
Maybe you're my muse and laughter,
But you only play a part
In the entirety of my existence,
My journey of persistence.
You are my teacher and witness,
But I've pushed down my resistance
To our broken coexistence.
How did we miss this?
Can it be fixed?
It's not everyday
People break up like this.
If we value freedom
More than our parents did,
We have to be candid.
End it
As it is, find another way to be.
If you love me,
You have to set me free.
Your tear-stained face
Pleading me,
But we both know, baby,
You need to set me free.
And...
I'm sorry.